Lesson 7 Accept

When travelling alone in New Zealand there were times I felt very tested, especially when I lost my way on the road.  With this lesson I learnt to accept when things didn’t turn out the way I intended – as I let go of my need to control I realised it was ok and obviously meant and then something else happened instead – usually better!  Life has a way of unfolding without us trying to steer it and amazing things happen when we allow it to.  Too often we try to control not only events but also people, but it rarely works in our favour and we are so often left feeling disappointed and frustrated.  So why not allow the universe to deliver whatever is meant and embrase it instead of resisting it.  Imagine life as the sea with choppy waves.  If you were to surf the waves it would be challenging without a doubt but to go in the direction of the waves would be a lot easier than trying to go against them.  It’s the same with life, going with the flow teaches you so much, is a gentler journey and is less exhausting then fighting against it.  Identify where you are on your journey with life and perhaps decide if you do accept what comes your way or could you allow yourself to accept more and control less!!

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Lesson 6 ‘Be Open’

When I was travelling alone in New Zealand this was a very significant lesson…………..I had intended to travel following my intuition and not plan ahead.  Obviously there are things that very definately did need planning e.g. accomodation.  As it was NZ peak season I needed to book in at the holiday camps at least 2 days ahead, which was fine and felt ok, as long as I gave myself permission to change it if I wanted to. 

However I still allowed myself to be open to anything that pulled me in a different direction to the one I was aiming.  It is a wonderful way to live………..my theory is to plan in pencil so you can allow yourself to rub out and re write.  So  many times we can block ourselves by not allowing life to take it where it wants to……….and more important where you want to!!

I love the saying ‘Get out of your own way’  as we are so often our own biggest blocks!

So this lesson helped me to let go of the need to control where my life was going and allow it to flow where it naturally wants to take me.  I find it is by far the easier way to live.

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Lesson 5 – COMMUNICATE

While travelling in New Zealand I was very fortunate to stay with a lovely lady called Wendy.  However I was tested on ‘communication’ when with all good intentions I bought a take away with Bill, a fellow traveller and took it back to Wendys.  We had asked if she would like us to buy her some but she declined the offer.  On arriving back at Wendy’s we both became very aware that Wendy was not happy with us, but did now know why?!!  The only way to move on with this situation was to ask her outright and she shared that she was intending to cook us a meal and felt offended by our action.  We all sat round the table and began to unravel the reasons why our communication had broken down.  We all came from different parts of the world, Bill from California, me from England and Wendy here in New Zealand.  Our cultures were all different and we started to appreciate how we all communicate differently.

In life communication is the key to good relationships and the more open we can be with each other the more likely we are to not mis- interpret each other. 

Unfortunately all too often we take things personally instead of understanding where the other person is coming from…….A lesson worth spending time on……….

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Many thank you’s

A big thank you to all who came to my book launch on Saturday at Mangreen and also to all those who sent best wishes via email and text.  It was very touching and what a lovely evening!

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Lesson 4 ‘Trust Your Inner Voice’

Our ‘inner’ voice talks to us all the time. Whether we chose to listen to it or not depends a lot on the last lesson ‘Believe in yourself’.  If we have not worked on that lesson first we have little chance of even hearing our ‘inner’ voice.

I was tested on lesson 4 in New Zealand when I was following Bill (another visitor at Wendy’s) on the mountain that we decided to climb together.  On the descent Bill suddenly ran ahead and I felt very vulnerable trying to keep up.  My knees were hurting and it was raining so I knew I needed to be careful.  Eventually I did catch but not before listening and acting on my ‘inner’ voice which was telling me to slow down. 

The same thing happened again when I tried to follow him in the car, but this time it was far more dangerous.  Bill once again raced ahead and as I didn’t know the way I tried to keep up.  My car started to swerve sideways up a steep slope and I thought it was going to turn completely over.  Fortunately as I immediately took my foot off the pedal the car slid back down without turning over and I felt an enormous sense of relief and gratitude that I didn’t end up in a horrific car accident.  I realised it didn’t matter that I kept up with Bill as I would find my way anyway, but what did matter was that I didn’t feel the need to take risks when I knew I wasn’t safe.  I had certainly been tested twice in a short space of time with lesson 4.

If you don’t get the lesson the first time it tends to come back and test you again………….so watch out lesson 4.

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Lesson 3 – Believe in Yourself

When have you followed another’s advice and wish you hadn’t?  If you could turn the clock  back what would you have done instead?  Was it lack of trust in your own judgement that lead you to follow another’s advise?  If yes, assess where your judement is now?

For me this lesson presented itself in New Zealand when I was following  Wendy, the person I was staying with, back to her home.  When suddenly she decided to put her foot down and overtake two cars, leaving me to find my own way!  I felt so vulnerable and realised I needed to have more faith in myself and not rely totally on her.  I had been calmly following her with no great concern or even interest in where I was actually going.  I knew I could find my own way back if I trusted my instinct.  Thankfully I saw the road sign to Wendy’s and turned……….and there she was, waiting further up, grinning like a cheshire cat!  I didn’t know whether to be angry or thankful.  I settled for being just grateful that I wasn’t actually lost!

I was aware of how little confidence I had in myself and it wasn’t until it was tested that I appreciated my own ability!

This can be another tough lesson as we tend to be our own worst critic!  A lack of confidence or belief in ourself can so easily result in us being too influenced by an outsider. 

If you truly want to live a life where you will feel fulfilled you have to learn to listen and believe in yourself first. 

Keep a journal – this will increase your development and heighten your awareness and if possible join a group where you can develop your intuition together.  You will learn from sharing each other’s experienes.  It’s a fun subject to explore and the more you lighten up and allow it to happen the more you will discover your own intuition and increase your belief in yourself.

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Person Centred Counselling proven effective for depression & anxiety

Dr Tony Weston received a British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) award for his PhD research on person-centred psychotherapies – known as ‘talking therapies’ which he completed at U.E.A.

He said ‘I found that for depression, anxiety and generalised distress person centred counselling was as effective as other forms of therapy including cognitive behavioural theraoy (CBT).

As a counsellor I have always believed that the person centred approach is by far the most effective way in assisting a client to find their own answers.  Once the client feels safe, accepted for who they are and not judged in any way, they will feel able to explore every aspect of the issue that brought them to counselling room in the first place, and then, and only then I believe CBT, Gestalt and other theories can be used very effectively.

Dr Weston also found evidence to support the theory underpinning person-centred counselling – that  a good relationship between  the counsellor and client contributed to a good outcome………my thoughts completely.

Sadly the pressure to provide a quick fix has prevented this method being given the chance to show just how successful it can be.  Some things just cannot be rushed as I have so often witnessed.  Time, patience and compassion heals a wounded soul.  The quick fix may temporarily supply the plaster but the wound will leak if not allowed time to heal properly first.

What are your views I wonder?!!

 

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